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A Heart of Stone: Chapter 3 by BorgiaBrony A Heart of Stone: Chapter 3 by BorgiaBrony

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Chapter 3. Hope you guys enjoy it!

I'm not promising anything, but a new entry every two weeks seem likely at this point. As always, opinions are appreciated.

Here's the story of fanfiction.net if you can't read it here:[link]

Chapter 4 is up now! [link]

Discord, Princess Celestia, parasprites, and My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic are all the properties of Lauren Faust, Studio B, The HUB, and Hasbro.
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:iconaav-sama:
AAV-sama Featured By Owner Mar 11, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Nice scene of them hanging out! I really liked his joking around, making everything fun. Fits him quite well. And him inventing the parasprites... XD This is very nice.
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:iconadestroyer360:
adestroyer360 Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2012
daw
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:iconstephan989:
stephan989 Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2012
I'm not gonna lie, I think that this is moving way too fast
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:iconkooklaa:
kooklaa Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2012
perhaps but it leaves all the boring details out and skips right to the meat of the story keeping it nice and focused
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:icontalakor:
Talakor Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2011  Hobbyist Artist
this is like the story of The Pianist if it was written by Stephannie Meyer: Great story that's been done before but in a great, fresh, inventive way and is just great but the writing is pretty bad. FYI, stephannie meyer wrote the twilight saga.

i'm commenting on your other chapters to. some grammatical errors that i can look past but are still irratating, some of the writing is just off; in this chapter you says discorded clutched something in his fist twice. we already know he's got leaves in his hands, just say beams of light radiated out of his had.

there was another part where you wrote "He turned around and looked at her. “Following you, of course!” He
snapped and he vanished in the typical “flash of light” fashion. instead of "he snapped and he..." you should say "he snapped as he", this makes the sentence flow better and fixes some syntaxes. and "the typical "flash of light" fashion" is something i'd hear in a middle school english class. try "he vanished in a flash of light with the snap of his fingers." not only does that flow better and make more sense, but adding the finger snapping shows even more how composed and confident discord is around celestia, which i'm sure after the way this chapter ended will tie in to how their lives change together.

so in the long short of it, great story and i love it, i just really think you should get someone to proof read it before you upload it. or hell, send it to me and i'll proof read it, i'll turn your J.K. Rowling into Ernest Hemingway (relatively). can't wait for the next chapter! you're in my watch list!
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:iconborgiabrony:
BorgiaBrony Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2011
Thanks for the feedback!

As for the errors, I did send these through a review thread on ponychan, so I don't want to point fingers but...(points finger at ponychan reviewer)
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:icontalakor:
Talakor Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2011  Hobbyist Artist
lol there you go! i'm surprised you still got it back with errors though. then again, it's ponychan, it's crazier than pinkie pie.
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:iconkeneticpest:
keneticpest Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Why do I keep imagining filly Celestia's voice as Sweetie Belle's?

Anyway, good job. It's very cute, and Discord is, as always, awesome.
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:iconborgiabrony:
BorgiaBrony Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2011
Because Sweetie Belle is awesome.

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:iconadeardeaffriend:
aDearDeafFriend Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
i just got done reading through the first three chapters, i gotta say, love it. i dont see anyone use discord fics, but maybe im just not caught up.
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